Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

RELATIONSHIPS normally begin on magical notes. You feel like you’re the only girl in the world or the luckiest guy who ever lived.

Unfortunately, the start of a relationship does not always determine how it will end and even the sweetest beginning can have the bitterest end and must be buried.

Sometimes, you might have to walk out of the relationship and sometimes you will get kicked out. In fact, have you ever had the dreaded ‘it’s over’ text while eating? Trust me, it can make even ice cream taste like sand or cause immediate loss of appetite.

The thing about break ups is that they can take us by surprise and really mess you up in ways that you never thought possible.

The tendency to overreact in situations like this is high like the guy in the viral ‘Nana Ama’ video. In order to save yourself from any public embarrassment, here are a few tips to help you cope just in case.

The first thing that you should do is cry. In fact, weep. Just let it all out, but preferably not in public for people to see and use their unrestrained laughter to add salt to injury.

It is necessary to cry because it is the body’s natural response to pain and if you fight this natural occurrence you may end up doing something unnatural or irrational.

The wonderful thing about crying is that after a period of time, it releases oxytocin which is a ‘feel-good’ chemical that helps you deal with pain.

Even though it hurts and you need to cry, if you allow yourself to cry and be sad for too long, you will gradually fall into depression. Cry for a while and then wipe your tears, it’s not like you were dating Jesus!

The next step I propose is gradually letting go. After crying, you should be calmer and level headed enough to take on this next act; erasing all traces of the relationship.

You cannot move on completely if you keep looking at your pictures or rereading your old messages. Please delete them. The love letters, throw them away. The clothes, donate them. These items will only serve as reminders of what once was but is no more.

If you don’t clean the page you won’t have enough space to write a new story. I highly recommend that you get a close friend to assist you in this process so that you resist temptation to hide anything. But if you look nice in the pictures maybe just crop them out!

Now it is time for you to ease your way back onto the social scene. Stop hiding in doors like a hermit. Dress up and hang out with your friends (of course now that there is Covid 19, don’t forget your mask!) and have a good time.

Depending on how long ago you broke up, you might even find a new partner on your outings. The risk here is that you might rush and end up with someone who clearly is not good enough for you.

You might see pictures of your ex dating someone else and force yourself into another terrible relationship just so that you show them that you’ve also moved on. Don’t cut your nose to spite your face.

After all these stages, the real test will come when your ex texts you or calls you. In that single moment, you forget all the trouble and drama that you went through and the only thing that comes into mind are the sweet special moments you spent together and you feel yourself wanting to recreate those scenes all over again.

My dear, don’t pick up the phone and don’t let them in. Just like Cinderella, 12 midnight will surely come and the beautiful gown will turn back into rags. Trust me, it won’t take long before the person reverts to their true self and you’ll be back at square one.

Well, this is all I have for you today. I do hope that your heart heals in good time and your next relationship will be wonderfully wonderful but until then, I wish you the best.

Remember, if you stay under them, you can’t get over them.


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